Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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