I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Randomize
