I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
