Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
