Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
