No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
