i just sent this text using only my big toe
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
