Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
