I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
