I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
