he puts the penis in happiness.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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