put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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