And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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