filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
