Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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