when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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