he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
