I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
