I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
