So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
