we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
