i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
