Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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