we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
