Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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