i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
