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just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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