Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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