Kareoke will never be a sober sport
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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