he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
