So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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