Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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