Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
