I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
