dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
