I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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