So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Rumble strips road head = magical
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
