Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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