How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
