I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
