mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
