Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
