No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
