I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
