i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
