you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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