Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I am available for nakedness
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
