Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
