I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
