Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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