She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
